Tuesday was my birthday. My tenth birthday without my husband. And I finally realized why I have avoided it for the past decade. It’s because he isn’t here to make the big deal of it he always did.
My first time celebrating my birthday with Gary was also our first ever evening date. We’d known each other for two months, had been to lunch once and talked through several hour long phone conversations between Toronto and Los Angeles as I packed the last of my boxes to move from Canada back here (again). Total hours shared up to that evening…seven…seven and a half if you count the drive to the restaurant.
Half way through dinner, he interrupted whatever it was we were talking about, looked me at me and said, “I guess this means we’re dating.”
You would have laughed loudly had you heard the ensuing conversation that when on in my head. “How dare he assume…” “Well, that’s pretty presumptive…” “Who are you to tell me we are…”
WAIT…for several years I had been complaining that men didn’t say what they wanted. Here was o
ne who was willing to lay it all right out on the white linen between the lobster and the nut crusted sea bass.
I looked straight back at him and answered, “Yes, I guess it does.” And so began the love story punctuated each year on my birthday by thoughtful gifts, a special evening out…and always, roses. For ten years, I have been without roses on my birthday…until this one.
On Tuesday morning, as I entered my walk in closet to dress for a very important meeting, the scent of red roses whispered past me for a second. I do not wear perfume or fragrance of any kind. I do not have sachets or air fresheners in my closet or in my home. It happened twice.
The thought of Gary’s roses crossed my mind but I dismissed it. And then, as I drove to my meeting I started to feel a little nervous. Within seconds of the thought, the scent of roses wafted through my car as I traveled up La Cienega…nowhere near a flower shop, garden or any other possible source of the fragrance.
The nervousness faded and instead I embraced a feeling of peace and calm. The meeting was incredibly successful. Being present and clear makes such a difference.
Thank you for my birthday roses, Gary.
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Hi Tambre,
I have tears in my eyes as I read your post. You were one lucky person to have received roses and can still smell them and remember them as if it were yesterday and as if Gary were still with you.
My father passed away in 2005. Prior to his death, he always had a rose garden filled with yellows, reds, and other multi colors what had this wonderful scent.
So thank you for sharing your story. Happy Birthday and may your life be filled with roses, love and new memories.
Cindy
Tambre you constantly amaze me with how beautifully you share your more personal story. This just about brought me to tears. How blessed you are to have this kind of love in your life. Thank you for being you and sharing.
Happy Birthday Tambre, and appreciate you sharing your very touching story. Your strength is much admired.
Thank you, Lynn, Bonnie and Cindy. I feel very blessed to have reached a point of grace and peace in my journey of loss. Yes, I still have rememberings, wishings and missings but most days they don’t have the jagged, sharp edges that used to cut so deeply. Some of healing from loss is simply time, but a larger aspect is identifying a clear purpose and following that path, getting support and having someone hold the space of possibility for you on the tough days. Being coached and becoming a coach has given me all this and more. And now, I get to reach out to others so they may have tools I had to conjure up for myself and move through their loss with more ease instead of getting stuck and wasting precious time as I did for many years. This is what had to be so I could be called to create a system for recovery and so now I am grateful for the darkest days and the hardest hours. They taught me what I needed to know to help others.
Hey Tambre,
You are such a courageous woman. Happy Birthday in advance.
You have been lucky to have been with such a wonderful man who treated you special and roses were the perfect way to say it.
You certainly have found the perfect way to overcome the grief – coaching and providing help to others couldn’t be a better way of reaching out.
Happy Birthday Tambre…
Happy anniversary of your birth and to a new way forward. Memory is triggered by many things and this is one of the most beautiful stories I have read. Thank you for sharing and for keeping on growing and going forward.
Thank you so much for sharing this personal memory, Tambre! It is so touching to hear about a romance that lasts beyond earth. I only hope to have a lifelong love like that. =)
This is lovely, Tambre. It’s glorious that you were able to sense the love that was always there, and still is. The scent came to you when you needed it most, and isn’t that what keeps life worth living? A beautiful post. Thanks for sharing your story. And a belated happy birthday!
Thank you, Hajra. I was very lucky to be blessed with the marriage I had and I treasure it and the memories.
Thank you, Paula. Life is challenging, rich and beautiful ~ breathing in those moments of connection to those we love, whether they are here with us or not, is a gift to ourselves.
You certainly deserve to be loved like that, Samantha…we all do. I am grateful for the experience. Even in the loss, there has been a chance to create deep connections with others through the work I now do which is a blessing.