Article written by tambre

I help cancer survivors and caregivers to move from surviving to thriving.

12 responses to “After & Before Blog @ Anniversaries…We Make the Meaning”

  1. Nicke

    Thank you so much for this article. My boyfriend died just over a year ago, April 24, 2010 from brain cancer. When the anniversary passed I didn’t even know what to do. I wanted to do something special for him but I could barely muster the courage to get out of bed and face the people my mom had gotten together for Easter. I ended up just feeling depressed the whole day and letting it pass without even talking about it. The next day, and the whole week after, I felt SO guilty. I happened upon your article just by chance and it really touched me. I’ve never thought about it this way. Thank you for opening my eyes to another way of healing.

  2. Roy A. Ackerman, Ph.D., E.A.

    I will share one of my favorite signatures, since it’s relevant. It’s from Criminal Minds (JJ, who returns next year, due to popular demand)….

    “This isn’t what I want, but I’ll take the high road… Mostly because I don’t want to walk around angry…
    I’ve learned:
    That there are things we don’t want to have happen, but have to accept.
    That there are things we don’t want to know, but have to learn.
    That there are people we don’t want to live without, but have to let go…”

  3. Roberta Budvietas

    Poignant. You write so well about the process and the different feelings you experience. We all deal with the loss of a loved one differently. Your writing helps me remember

  4. Samantha Bangayan

    Tambre, I loved your conclusion in this post. It’s so freeing to know that we can make choose to make these commemorations positive or negative experiences. I loved how you initially described your natural reaction as “soft remembering.” It’s such an eloquent way to express that the relationship you continue to have with Gary. =)

    Thank you for allowing us to remember with you, Tambre! =)

  5. Maureen Hunter

    Oh Tambre, what a beautiful and inspiring post. No matter how many years pass we still are faced with these choices every single day of our lives, as survivors of great love and great loss.
    It is true, it is about the meaning we attribute to those days. Like you said too, its also about celebrating our strength and how we have made it through those tough times. It gives me peace in my heart to think that my son would be proud of me and smiling down at me for all I have achieved and survived, as you have.

    I also like to give thanks for that experience (strange as it may seem, as it is full of conflicted emotions) for the experience, as it is through such intense grief and pain that I have become my true self and am now following my true purpose. That is something I am forever grateful for.

    Love to you at this time, for being the strong and wonderful woman you are. Gary and your Mum would be so proud x

  6. Diana Simon

    Hi Tambre,

    What a beautiful post and I love what you said about giving yourself permission to go through that phase. There are people who feel they aren’t allowed to grief but I think it’s necessary and healthy. What’s important is that it is a phase and then you have to learn to move on – like you have.

    You show so much courage and strength. You have no idea how much I admire you!

  7. Bonnie

    Tambre, I don’t know where you find the strength to be so open and gentle at the same time. You brought tears to my eyes and a flood of memories of my own. You’re posts are sure to help many along their own journey of grief and survival and are a credit to your love and memories of Gary.
    Thank you. Much love and blessings.


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